Thursday, August 20, 2009

Creative Insult Contest

I've decided to extend my newest facebook contest to my blog, so that when disagreements on this and other blogs get a bit testy, we can all look back on this post for alternatives to calling each other idiots.

So, here's the challenge: Devise an original insult that is more likely to cause perplexity than offense, and post it as a comment. For the purposes of the blog version of the contest, the insults should be worded as if they might be comments on a blog post.


1. "Your comments sound like a parsnip quiche without the crust."
2. "Your recent post reminds me of what a lentil would be like if it were a dairy product rather than a legume."
3. "Your reasoning smells a bit like my mother's version of goulash, except that I don't detect any cinnamon."

Note: While all of these examples involve food, this is not strictly required. It is, however, recommended. Since insults involving food are intrinsically superior to insults not involving food, entries that eschew food references start off with an inherent handicap.


  1. Your circular logic has a bigger hole and significantly less taste than a day old doughnut.

    Your mushy line of reasoning stretches on like the buffet at Luby's, maintaining relevance only in its appeal to toothless masticators in search of easy digestibility.

    (* I like Luby's)

  2. Are my blog readers REALLY that much less creative than my facebook friends? Here's some highlights from the fb contest to stimulate your imaginations:

    "I'm sorry to say your intellect is much more library of Congress than MIT."

    "You people make about as much sense as a platypus needing hair gel."

    "You're very much like a well-digger's chicken giving elocution lessons."

    So there! If you can't do better, then I can only conclude that you have the asperity of a frog without lapel pins!

  3. Well, this contest IS about as useful as a bathtub full of iguanas....

  4. Your logic makes less sense than a gathering of squirrels hopped up on gopher dust