Santorum Unveils Radical Education Plan

In a bold move, Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum unveiled his newest strategy for winning the presidency: Outlaw higher education.

"The more educated the American people are, the less likely they are to support my candidacy," he said in a candid Faux News interview."This seems pretty decisive proof that higher education is bad for the American people. The more they know, the more liberal they become and the more they oppose my obviously correct policies. But we all know that it's stupid to be liberal. So, higher education makes people stupid."

"Why stop with higher education?" asked the interviewer.

"You're right. I mean, home schooling is the only sensible option for anyone aywhere, since other options inevitably infect children with satanic ideas."

When asked by ABD News reporter, Nodiss Ertation, about the long-term effects of Santorum's proposals on American competitiveness in the global economy, Santorum looked the reporter in the eye and called him a snob, sparking thunderous applause from gathered onlookers.

"Some might argue," Ertation pressed, "that you're just pandering to anti-intellectual populism at the expense of the actual welfare of the American people. Making higher education available and affordable to everyone isn't elitism. Elitism is excluding some classes of people from access to the resources they need to reach their highest potential. What President Obama has been arguing isn't that everyone be required to go to a four-year university, but that the option of higher education--including 2-year technical colleges--be available for everyone who could benefit from it. That's the opposite of snobbery."

"You," replied Santorum, "have clearly been corrupted by some liberal college professor feeding you a load of socialist dogma. I rest my case."

"That's the ad hominem fallacy," retorted Ertation. "And the genetic fallacy. And probably a few other fallacies that I can't think of the names of offhand."

"Yup. Snob."

Ertation's further attempts to question the candidate were drowned out by the cheers of his supporters.