The previous except from my forthcoming novel, So Eden Sank to Grief, touched on the hiddenness of God. But God is not the only thing that's hidden in our lives--and it's not the only thing that's hidden in the novel. In fact, hiddenness is one of the recurring themes.
The passage below captures an intimate moment between the main characters, Caleb and Sally. It's an interlude of quiet after a harrowing "underworld" journey (in which they touch up against something the alien creators of their artificial world are hiding) and before all hell breaks loose.
It's a moment when the hiddenness of Caleb's heart comes to vivid life for them both. Here's the passage:
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She sits up, looking down on Caleb. Something about the contours of his face or the way he breathes makes her realize he’s not asleep. “Caleb?”
His eyes crack open. “What are you looking at?” he murmurs, a lazy smile forming on his lips.
“That thing about the Rapture and your dad,” she says. “It’s…I think it’s the first thing you’ve ever told me about him. Was he…theology and Bible interpretation—”
His smile withers. “He went to seminary but it didn’t stick.” He looks away. “You don’t want to hear about my father.”
“I do.”
He takes a breath. “Some stuff—it’s better just to leave it in the past. Burned up and gone.”
“What? Did he beat you or something?”
Caleb shakes his head, closes his eyes.
She lets out a snort of frustration. “Sometimes…sometimes it’s like—I don’t know—it’s like you think that telling me the wrong stuff will make me fall out of love with you.”
He takes a long breath before sitting up and wrapping his arms around himself. “That’s stupid,” he says.
“Yes. It is.”
“It doesn’t matter anyway.”
“Of course it matters.”
“He’s dead!”
“He’s your father.”
“Everyone’s d…d…dead.”
His stutter makes her heart ache. She touches his brow. “I’m not dead,” she whispers. “You’re not dead. I…I just feel like I don’t know you.”
“Y…you know me b…better than anyone ever has.”
“You know what?” She cups his face in her hands, her eyes darting back and forth between his. “I think that’s probably true. And when I think about that it…it makes me want to cry.”
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What reasons does Caleb give for not wanting to talk about his father? Do these sound like the real reasons? Why does Sally think he's holding back?
How often do we hide our hearts from one another, and why? And what effect does that pattern of hiding have on our capacity to fully connect with those we love, to realize authentic union with others?
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